The Truth
by AnubisLoki
Summary: If you want to know then you'll have to look inside


Ok here's where I tell the truth about us, here's where I say the truth behind every story I've ever told though I bet you already know the truth and if you don't then you my dearie are an idiot. But while they may not be real to you they're real to me just not in the way you might think. I guess you could say that I have an impossible time dealing with reality and would rather just leave it all and enter my own little world where I'm somebody, go somewhere where I'm wanted. That's where they come into play every night I see them in my mind, holding out their hands to me beckoning me to follow and before I would just wake up not going but one night I was in a real bad place and their faces felt friendly which was what I needed at the time. So I took their hand and entered their world, the world that my mind had decided to make after so long of ignoring my other many worlds that it tried to create to make life a little more bearable but nothing's worked that was until I went with them.

So say what you will but just picture yourself in my shoes. You're a sixteen year old, sophomore girl, not very popular nor do you have a lot of friends maybe one or two yet they don't even know the real you, you don't have the best of grades mostly B's, you're overly self-conscious about everything about yourself always wondering how someone thinks of you and you worry about the most stupidest of things. People think you're insane and over time you start to believe yourself, you love horror movies and rock alternative music but also that slow, sad heart breaking melody occasionally. You're parents are always yelling and your family and home are breaking apart right in front of you, you're afraid to get close to people, you're afraid to get to know others, you're afraid of everything around you and that's led to your anxiety disorder as well as major insomnia and I mean the type where you can't sleep for weeks and pills don't seem to work. You've given up on life and wonder when you'll die hoping it's soon, you're being controlled by the demons in your mirror and it's been so long since you've eaten that it's become a one maybe two meal thing.

You would want to escape life as well wouldn't you? I mean it's remarkable that I've made it this far but that's because Ben doesn't want me to hurt myself and he's always by my side making sure I'm alright. Laughing Jack's always ready to put a smile on my face, Hoodie gives the best hugs and Gold (lost silver) is always willing to let me talk to him after all he knows the pain. Slenderman has become the parent figure my life desperately lacks, E.J. helps me with homework he's really smart. Sally reminds me of the innocence I lost long ago when I opened my eyes to the horrid truth of the world, Toby knows how it feels to have a disorder and be considered a freak and always knows what to say same with Masky he's always really nice to me. I know they're not real but they've become real to me and without them I probably would be dead, they've always got my back and never let me step onto the warzone alone. They're my only true friends and only they know the truth about who I am.

There's a reason I'm writing this here, I know that when you read this you'll think of it as nothing but another fanfiction written by someone with serious depression as all my stories would show in how I only write about pain, sadness, and death. But besides writing and drawing I really have nothing to use to express myself after all in truth I'm a pretty anti-social teenager who doesn't really like people and would rather stay at home with the blinds closed and on the computer then go outside or to the mall with friends. Heck I don't even like shopping but I guess that's not really the point. I don't even know what the point of this anymore, the point of living when we all live just to die but then again why do we sleep only to dream of useless fantasies? Is there really a purpose to all of this or are we just pieces being moved across the playing board in some game played by eternal beings that we can't see or hear?

But when I don't see the point to life that's when they come for me, that's when they wipe my tears away, smile, and say everything will be alright and hearing those words from anyone else I wouldn't believe them but when they said it; well it makes all the difference to me. If you want to think of me as a scitzopherenic weirdo then that's ok with me I know I have an issue with discerning between reality and imagination, I know that when I "space out" that I'm in my own little world when it still seems I'm here, but I feel alive in my mind, in my own dreams I'm truly alive but when I come here to reality I'm nothing more than a robot wearing the mask of society when all I want to do is get rid of the dang thing and show who I truly am. The only problem with that is that no one wants to know the true me or see who I really am they only want to see the me that society wants me to pretend to be. Well as an actor I'll play the part for them but here in my own world I know I can be the true me, I can show them who Desintina Wint…I can show them just who Katie Williams really is and I know that they'll listen, they'll understand or at least try to anyways, and no matter what they're not going to judge me for what I do or what I like.

Ok yeah I get it that last line might sound weird:

"A bunch of killers understanding and not judging me."

But that's the truth they don't and maybe it's because over time I've fallen into an insanity of my own and they're just welcoming me to the family or maybe because there's still an ounce of humanity left in their sick twisted minds. But I'm not trying to glorify them or claim that they're something they're not I know that they're supposed to insane killers who only care about the sight of horror in dead eyes or smell the scent of fresh spilled blood covering their hands and the body at their feet. Yet I find a strange comfort in their world, I feel safe, wanted, I feel like I finally belong somewhere with people who I don't have to lie to in order for them to like me.

As I've already stated there really isn't any reason for me to write this I thought it might be time for me to finally post something about why I've written my stories the way I do, why I constantly talk about Creepypasta, why I never seem to be focused in life so now for those out there reading this who might know me now know the truth behind my fanfiction and my insanity, they know the truth about why I'm always writing or drawing or never seem to be focused at all. I feel slightly better now actually since I've told the truth, I feel like a weight has just been lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe a little better knowing that the world knows the truth about me even if they don't' want too or might still pretend it's just a story at least it's out there and somewhere I know someone will read this and they'll be able to connect to how I feel and who knows maybe they'll do the same.

So let me end this short story with this: if you do know how I feel and find yourself in our own little worlds where you feel the safest then write fan fiction on those worlds, let the world know what you see and what you experience but if that seems too much for you then do what I just did and write down the truth about yourself, write down how you feel I don't care if I come across thousands of stories written like this in fact that would make me extremely happy to know that there were others like me that read this and decided to do the same. I've read a lot of sad, heart-breaking stories out there written in the first person point of view of either a character of the author as a character going through turmoil, I've felt that pain and whether it's real or fictional I have a tremendous respect for people who can sit down and write out a story mixing in their feelings and emotions into a story, feelings that they could never say in person but instead imbed into a story for people to read. If you're one of those writers then congratulations, I'm glad you're fighting still, glade you're living life even if it's in hell I'm here with you too and if you feel as though you can't write a story such as this but you want to talk to someone I'm here, I'll listen and no matter what happens or what you say I'll always listen and understand.

Yes, I believe that is the purpose to this story to get a tremendous burden off of my shoulders and reach out to those who are fighting, barely surviving in this terrible cruel world, to reach out to those who feel lost and alone maybe that's my purpose in this world to be the voice that will shut up and listen to what someone has to say but not in the way a therapist would listen no they don't listen nor do they care. As for me I'll listen as your best friend, I'll listen as a diary would and I'll keep your secretes, keep your fears, and in the end I'll be the friend that you can spill everything out to and I'll be here waiting to hug you, to tell you everything is alright even when you believe it's not. I can't say it gets easier but the first step is to talk to someone, find a group or an individual who's willing to listen and just talk. Second step would be to try not to listen to your demons, try not to pick up that blade or look at the knife, try not to invasion your own pain and turn yourself hate into art in any shape or form as long as it doesn't do you wrong. I know you might not think this works and sometimes it doesn't but I'm still fighting just not as much anymore and I just want to help people. I still have my episodes, my battles, and relapses into darkness but I'm here for you to talk to.

No matter what you'll always have a friend in me as well as those you create don't let anyone tell you to stop dreaming for it's the worlds our minds create to help us escape that end up helping us through the darkness then living in the truth of reality. But sometimes all we really need is a hand to give us a push to start and a hand to guide us through the battlefield to the other side of the board where we'll be crowned and saved. But no one ever said war was easy, nor did anyone said you had to fight alone I'll be that hand to push you and the hand to guide you, I'll be the friend that you run too, and the book to keep your secretes. I know it sounds too good to be true so let me repeat myself once more.

**This Is Not a Fan Fiction but the Truth and Everything That Is Written Here Is True**


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